So what about when it comes to our faith? Do I really trust that God has all the intricate details of my life mapped out, and that He is going to weave it into a novel of epic proportions? I'd like to say that I do, but when it comes down to it, I fear that my proclamations of trust are merely words and not truly felt in my heart.
I found myself frustrated this morning as I haphazardly flipped through the study I'm attempting to finish (never mind that it was supposed to end months ago; I have commitment issues.) The verse says, "God guards you from every evil, he guards your very life. He guards you when you leave and when you return, he guards you now, he guards you always." After reading this, my initial thought was... Does he really, though? This past month alone we've had a bombing, a death toll of 1000 in the Bangladesh factories, four girls rescued after 10 years of unspeakable tragedy done to them, and don't even get me started on the Sandyhook shooting or conflicts in the Middle East or the crap that our sweet middle schoolers endure at home.
::Deeeeeeeep breath::
No wonder people find it difficult to trust God! There are too many whys. "Why would a God allow this to happen? Why didn't He stop these tragedies from occurring?"
I don't have answers. But I believe as humans we have a choice as to how we want to live our lives; obedience is not forced on us. God is not a slavedriver who expects us to serve Him joylessly. We have free will... bad things happen on this earth because we made the choice, thousands of years ago, to lone it on this planet. We abandoned paradise for the damning power of knowing the difference between good and evil, and evil definitely prevails on this planet. How different life would be if God stepped in and prevented every tragedy from occurring! Would we even be able to think for ourselves, to explore uncertainties and the incredible beauty that is life? I keep visualizing a scene out of "1984" or "A Wrinkle in Time" where we would all be the same and without reason to live.
The tragedies of this world are what causes me to be humbled and seek out a God who knows what He's doing. I so love the verse that talks about how faith is being sure of what we don't see... and a quick Google search found it in Hebrews 11--
11 1-2 The fundamental fact of existence is that this trust in God, this faith, is the firm foundation under everything that makes life worth living. It’s our handle on what we can’t see. The act of faith is what distinguished our ancestors, set them above the crowd.
My heart rejoices in the first part of that verse. The fundamental fact of existence! We exist to love and serve a God who truly wants us to be happy.... a God who promises to guard our hearts from evil. And I have to hold on to that, because what would life be without this hope? How would we find it within ourselves to serve and love other people who don't deserve it? What would we be living and working and dying for, if not the hope of a higher calling, of loving on broken people?
You've probably stopped reading my ramblings by now... I've found that I love writing in this capacity because it helps me work through my own hesitancies and questions. I need to be constantly reminded why I want my life to be a reflection of Christ, because I'm weak. I have issues sticking with something.
I'll leave you with a challenge, to reflect on what it means to trust. What does trusting God truly look like to you? I picture myself as a child-- Without a doubt, I trusted that my parents had my best interests in mind and would love me no matter what. I knew my daddy would catch me if I jumped off the edge of the pool. Maybe I didn't want to admit it, but I believed my parents knew what they were doing when they didn't let me go to the mall with my friends without an adult. It sucked and I momentarily hated them for it, but trusting them allowed me to get over it and see the greater good in the situation. I want to trust God the same way that a small child trusts her parents to guard her heart.
God gives us a reason to live. What are you going to do with your one life?
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