be still my whining heart

The most amazing part of my journey to London has been the unencumbered quiet times with the Lord in the mornings. Recently I felt compelled to start working my way through the Old Testament, not really understanding the connection between all the prophets or how specifically it relates to Christianity. 

Currently I'm reading through the life of Moses and his love/hate relationship with the Israelites. I grew up knowing he was a cute little baby that was sent down the river, saved by pharaoh's daughter and subsequently growing up in royalty, then eventually renouncing that and demanding the Israelites be freed from slavery. Lots of plagues, like gross locusts and boils and eventually death. Tons of death. I guess I never put two and two together, realizing that his story continues through Leviticus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy.

All this to say that I'm feeling a bit like the Israelites in the desert today, in the sense that God keeps providing, He's clearly present in my life and in it for the long-haul. But it's so easy to slip back into the grumbling stage like the Israelites, who were one minute saying, "Yes, we love you, thank you for our freedom, we will do whatever it takes to get to the land you've promised us," and the next whining that they're tired of eating flat bread and having to move camp so often. God was so angry at their back-and-forth attitudes... it broke his heart that they couldn't see beyond their limited, self-centered lives. Even Moses, who was clearly successful in God's endeavor, (everything he ever asked for was granted!) continually slipped into his old insecure ways, crying to God, "Why did you choose me?! I stutter! How the heck am I supposed to carry the weight of these people? Kill me off and send someone else!"

My current situation is so finite, so unimportant in the grand scheme of life and the world. I have no right to complain about how slowly this moving process is taking because holy crap, I'm here, obtaining a job is not a life-or-death situation, and there are a million things worse than not having your people close by (like not having any people at all! So there.)  Yet, God is the God of grace, of love and ultimate understanding. He forgives me for being fickle and struggling with focusing on this day only, not worrying about whether or not things will fall into place in my own timing.

One day at a time, people. Life can be so much simpler if we stop stressing ourselves out over matters beyond our control and letting go. Trust that it'll all work out. And if it doesn't, move on and figure something else out.

Being on my own all the time means seeking out cool spots to work on job hunting. Like the cafe at the top of the Tate Modern.  Definite pick-me-up.