Doing Everything in Love: How to Make the Most out of your Oktoberfest Experience

1. Purchase appropriate attire, or you’ll look and feel like a loser. This step should always come first, even if no Oktoberfest is in the horizon. Ignore the cost, for, in the words of Martha, you’re purchasing an heirloom that will be passed on for generations. (I can see it now, “Oh no. Dad’s wearing his lederhosen again and talking about the ‘Good old days…’”)

2. Make reservations in February. Or, if you had no idea you’d be in Germany come September/October, then wait until the absolute last minute and buy online from a Canadian could who, after the previous weekend, realized it was hell to wake up on the Sunday after and have to resume their parental duties, thus selling their second weekend’s reservations.

3. Find 10 friends to help fill the reservation.

4. Scour the internet for a last-minute place to stay and don’t worry that you’re paying double, maybe triple the amount for a place to lay your weary head. (AirBNB has always come through for me with this.)

5. Hop on the 7 AM train filled with fellow Oktoberfest goers. Ignore that most are already drinking.

6. You’ve officially arrived! You can either:

A)Proceed directly to the festivities or

B) Explore Munich, knowing that Saturdays are insane and not worth squeezing your way into a tent. Good food, fun, and beer to be had either way.

7. Once at Oktoberfest, first walk around and soak it all in. You’ll see rides of monstrous proportions, ‘tents’ that are more like permanent gymnasiums, and traditional wear of all shapes and sizes. Revere the old men proudly donning their worn-in leiderhosen, their hats with protruding feathers and multiple pins from God-knows what. Judge each dirdel, compartmentalizing into your own created categories (That-One’s-Legit, I-Want-That-for-Next-Year, Got-That-One-From-Spencers.) Take in the smells as you saunter past each stall: fried sweet dough, chicken over an open rotisserie, crispy pork skins ready to be consumed on a roll, brauwurst of all kinds, baked potato bar, the fish stall (pick up the pace on that one…) Caution—these smells may or may not be as inviting after spending some time in a tent.

8. Once your time has come, cautiously enter into the tent of your choice (in our case, the Hofbrau.) Marvel at the sheer enormity of the structure with a capacity for 10,000 people, both inside and out in the biergarten. Make your way to your reserved table where you’ll be given vouchers for two liter-beers, a half a chicken, and 7.50 to spend on whatever else you fancy.

9. Let the festivities begin! Make friends with your neighbors! Sing along to the German drinking songs! Love life!