Doing Everything in Love

I fear this post will sound a bit silly, but bear with me.

For the four years I've been here, I've always wanted to be awarded Willy the Wildcat.

The previous winner awards him to another deserving teacher, where he hangs out in the classroom until the next faculty meeting. I know this sounds ridonculous, but it is a HUGE honor to be awarded Willy. Everyone's been stopping by my room congratulating me and I almost cried when the teacher who awarded it to me read off why I was the next recipient. I know this sounds lame, because there's really nothing else to it. You get a giant, stinky stuffed animal named Willy (who is sometimes referred to by our principal as "Big Willy" which incites snarky snickers from a few of us with gutter-minds...)

But the sweet part about being awarded Willy today, of all times, was that I was in such a dark place during our faculty meeting. Truly, I was seething with a mixture of emotions and literally felt like a huge weight was resting on my chest. The extremity of my emotions honestly came from nowhere-- we were talking about incorporating more culture into our classrooms, and what teacher are already doing and yada yada yada and I was so irked that we were referring solely to honors students and what about the teachers who have only non-honors who are expected to go on reading programs for 45 minutes of each class and who can only focus on nonfiction texts and aren't allowed to do novel studies and on and on and on which then catapulted into well maybe you should have focused more on this throughout the year and you're doing a disservice to our kids who need to learn these important life lessons and now you're out of time because the school year's almost done and what HAVE you even taught them this year other than here's how to read a passage on the FCAT?

That's just a slight glimpse into my mind. I was about ready to EXPLODE.

So anyways, the meeting is over and I'm dying to get back to my room for a good ol' fashioned cry session when the teacher starts reading off characteristics of this particular teacher. And I knew it was me.  It took everything I had to calm the heck down so I wouldn't have a meltdown in front of all my peers... to accept Willy with grace...

I then beelined back to my room, huddled into the napping corner (seriously, I have squishy pillows wedged into the corner of my room where teachers seek solace after the students leave...) and lost it.

The tears flowed because I knew Willy was appropriately timed by God as a gentle reminder that He is using me to love these broken-hearted kids. That this teacher took notice of how much I care about them and the little things I do to make sure they feel that they are worth it and SO loved (not just by me, but all of our amazing teachers at this school!) That in the middle of the hopelessness that tried to seize my heart (so quickly and out of nowhere!) God fought for me and He won.

All with a stupid stuffed animal :)