thoughts on church?

It's a lovely, quiet evening here in Frankfurt as I sip peppermint tea on the balcony while the sun sets, wrapped in Michael's Giants snuggie and Iron and Wine playing on Spotify. I am content in that peaceful, taking deep breaths and loving life kind of way.

Also feeling quite optimistic about the week to come. Heck, the months and entire year as well. Not to say that I haven't been, but let's just say the past month I had full symptoms of the January doldrums and was most likely not a fun person to be around 80% of the time. (Michael can attest to that, I'm sure!)

But, like most slumps, the upside can be grand. Could be related to the fact that I dragged my lazy rear out of bed to go to church, the result being a slight epiphany of sorts, you know, the ones that tend to change your perspective on things. On my walk there, the now old-school worship song popped into my head that I used to bust out with Jeremy Keck in our youth group's praise band, "I Will Not Forget You." Mind you, I haven't thought about this song in, like, 15 years and by the time I was still singing it in college, I wanted to throw up in my mouth.

The part that kept repeating itself in my brain was "... and my sacrifice is, not what You can give, but what I alone can-- give to You!" And then I was punched in the face with the thought-- you keep going to church sporadically with the mindset of, "Okay church, fill the void. Woo me with awesome worship songs. Blow my mind with a life-altering sermon, Flock to me, new best friends because yes, I am sitting here alone and desperate to connect with you."

Do you think that's worked for me? A big fat nope.

And I realized, it hasn't worked for the past 8 years. Whaaaaat? I have not been connected to a church in 8. Whole. Years. Since my junior year of college. That's not to say I haven't poured into ministries or studies or been disconnected from God, but there has been a crucial piece missing-- and that's a church community to help do life together. I've been sitting back and waiting for that connection without doing anything about it, then finding myself frustrated or isolated because it wasn't happening. The reason I was plugged in at UUMC was because day one, freshly moved into the dorm, I called Natalie Unterhorst and pretty much invited myself over on the staff church cleaning day.

I've heard so many people say, "I believe in God, but I don't think I need a church to grow in my faith. The church is too messed up to be a part of." You know what? I think that's a lame way to think, and I'm the first to admit that I've been faulty with my thinking for the past 8 years now.

We need community because we weren't created to do life alone. Using the metaphor from C.S. Lewis, an ember that is separated from the fire stands on its own a bit but eventually dies out. True, not being a part of a group hasn't made me lose sight of this hope I have in God, but I'm truly saddened to think about what I've missed out and the life experiences I could have had, the deep friendships that could have been made, even connections here in Frankfurt that could have occurred already.

It ends here, the endless excuses for not diving in beyond an occasional Sunday morning service. A church cannot grow unless its body serves and gives back. I can't just show up for a class and expect to pass-- I have to study and put an effort into it. I cannot just feed a kid and expect it to grow-- I have to give it life experiences that will shape who the child will grow into one day. I simply cannot just sit in a chair, sing some songs, then go home. I don't care if I'm in Frankfurt for two more months or an entire year-- it's time to dive in and let God fill the empty spaces.

Thanks for sticking it out with me. Have a lovely week and find joy & love in everything you do!





Look! The sun does indeed exist on this side of the world!

Oh look! Pagodas in Germany! Makes total sense.