Smoothie Time

My life has forever changed.

Gone are the days of exploding hot soup into my eyes because I filled the pitcher too high.

No more unscrewing all the parts to clean it out.

Say goodbye to stopping, opening the lid, stirring whatever it is up with a spoon, replacing the lid, repeat in five more seconds.

I now have this:

And that has made all the difference!

I think I've made one smoothie in my lifetime... this week alone I've had three.

Maybe I'll stick to a different one every week? 

Blueberry/Kale Smoothie:

1/2 a cup of frozen blueberries, almond milk, and kale

1 tbsp of almond butter

I'm obsessed. 

Back to Routine

I've made it through two days of school and I'm wondering why it isn't Friday yet.

So in celebration of a new year and new routines, I'm attempting to stick with a prayer book my dad gave me for Christmas. It goes through scripture, cool words from lots of different saints, and then prompts you to pray for your own specific things. Prayer is definitely a discipline that I suck at, unless I need something, like last week at the beach... "Oh God please help me find the truck key so that I don't have to tow the car to a place where they can mold a new key out of the existing ignition. On behalf of my marriage, thank you, Amen." (I immediately found it lying in the surf, no big deal. Thanks, God!)

I know that resolutions are quick to falter but seriously... I want to stick with this one. Spending time in prayer before my day starts should be an imperative-- especially if I've been a follower of Christ for nearly half my life. (When I just typed 'Christ, I actually typed 'Christmas.' I'm a follower of that, too.) And it's not easy--- like running, probably. When I start getting back into running, I hate life. I can't breath, I walk, I'm bored... kind of similar with prayer. I get easily distracted thinking about ANYTHING other than prayer, or I ramble, and sure enough boredom creeps up on me and I hastily spurt out inyournameamen.

But surely, like anything, it becomes easier? What starts out as barely being able to make it through one mile ends up as a marathon, perhaps?

We'll see. It's my 'spiratualution,' and I'm stickin' to it.

In other words, a student just dropped off homemade tamales because one day in class I raved about how much I love them. God is so good-- just proof that I'm where I'm supposed to be and doing what I love...

Here's to our new selves!

A New Creation

(Still in reflection mode.)

2012 brought about such a sweet change in my life.

Last spring, I was encouraged by Ashley to seek out and try the CORE ministry that I had attempted the year prior but was unable to do because of existing commitments. To be honest, I was terrified-- the thought of opening up to complete strangers was daunting... driving to Jacksonville and giving up a night (plus two weekends) away from Mike wasn't appealing and what did I have to change about myself anyways? I was going to church, involved with YoungLife, generally a happy person most of the time. But on the inside, that wasn't entirely true.

Despite being surrounded by a loving husband, family, friends, students, etc., I felt alone.... that nobody truly understood me or the things that I felt. These feelings were confusing, because everything would be wonderful and life was full of excitement, then out of nowhere this despair would creep in and I felt inadequate in every aspect of who I was, as a wife, teacher, friend, whatever. Or Mike would say something in jest and it would cut me to the core, and I'd be unable to recoup, closing myself off from him until the feeling passed.

I had no idea where these feelings came from. My childhood was practically perfect, I was a good kid in high school and college and found my soul mate and an ideal job early on in life. Who was I to feel like this life wasn't good enough, when people around me went through incredible tragedies and loss yet were living life abundantly?

It was a tough place to be, and I was isolated.

Through CORE, I realized that isolation was exactly where the enemy of God wanted me to be. When we are isolated, it's easy to wallow in mediocrity and feelings of inadequacy. We believe the lies that the enemy is feeding us; the lies are what deteriorates our identity, causes derision in our relationships, and brings us to low places. I was at my lowest when CORE began last year.

At the beginning we were asked to reflect on why we were there and what our hopes were-- I wasn't sure exactly why I was there but I knew that something was wrong; I was not myself. At that second session, tears were shed, hearts broken over hearing my sweet sisters' stories, and I knew something monumental was about to take place in Jodi's office that season. It wasn't easy... sharing your life and innermost struggles with women whom you just met isn't supposed to be comfortable, but the freedom I experienced during that spring is unparalleled to anything I've experienced before.

I can now rest in the fact that I am the bride of Christ- that my number one role on this earth is to pursue a relationship with Him. Everything else, my roles as a wife, teacher, friend, daughter... it all falls into place beautifully when my main priority is God. As a woman, I will always struggle with the question, "Am I doing enough?" but I now can detect the lies; I can find ways to stop myself before my thoughts spiral out of control. My relationship with my husband is different- stronger, and I can love him wholly without a damaged perception of myself.

The bonds formed with the women in my group will never be broken. Much was learned through hearing these women's stories... tears and laughter, deep pain and moments of joy that I'll never forget. Though one of our own was called Home this past month, her incredible personality and ability to love selflessly will always stay with me. They loved me how Christ loves; my journey will look very different from here on out because of them.

My hope is for my dear friends and family to experience the same joy over the freedom to be yourself. You were uniquely and wonderfully made with a distinct purpose on this earth. God has well-equipped you for this life--- you are more than enough.

Michael Gungor's "You Make Beautiful Things" was my theme song for the year. Listen to it if you get a chance. Much love to you all--

All this pain
I wonder if I'll ever find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all
All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come up from this ground at all

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

All around
Hope is springing up from this old ground
Out of chaos life is being found in You

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oyPBtExE4W0

Here's to a new year full of hope and joy!

New Year's

I've been putting off posting for this entire week-- time alone means lots of contemplating, and I want so badly to put my thoughts on 'paper' but I haven't known where to start. So, we'll save the it's-a-new-year-let's-reflect-on-the-year reminiscing for another time, and let's put in writing my 'resolutions.' Before I start, a slight disclaimer: New Year's resolutions are rarely accomplished. We set the bar too high, we forget in a week and slink back into what's comfortable, even if it's not where we want to necessarily be. I understand this.

But I will still make them, darnit.

The start of a 2013 Bucket List, pre-leaving Florida:

-- Pray more. (Stick with new prayer book from Dad-- it's awesome!)

-- Eat less. (Weight Watchers for the next 3 months-- done and done.)

-- Gate River Run with momma (booked, paid for, doing it.)

--Use my new immersion blender at least once a week (smoothies, pesto, soups, check.)

--Go to yoga (bought the Groupon months ago; need to use it.)

--Get back into blogging. I miss writing and the quiet moments it forces me to take.

--Send letters at least once a month. Who doesn't like getting mail?


That's it for now. There's a trail run calling my name...


(PS, just looked through last year's bucket list of resolutions; at least it wasn't a complete doozie)

(check) *See Annie in Washington
(check) *Visit NYC
(fail) *At least 2 hiking trips... one spring, one fall
(fail) *2 local camping trips
(check) *Jaunt through Spain
(fail) *Get back into tennis
(fail) *Run in three races
(check) * Plane flowers and mulch the yard in the spring
(check, sitting in it right now) *Set up a hammock
(epic fail) *Successfully grow tomato again
(ehhhhh) *Plan out weekly meals and establish a cleaning routine
(check) *Charleston with AMy and Paul
(somewhat) *Play piano
(check) *Try paddle boarding
(Ha! I was going to make this one for 2013... seems I have a problem...) *No more beer on the weekdays. Unless Kristin is over.

Christmas Festivities

I've missed writing--- it forces me to find moments to sit down and reflect on the ups and downs of my day, to put into words what this life is about.

I am content this morning.

Sufjan Stevens Christmas album keeping me company, the windows open letting in the sight chill of the morning, coffee in my favorite mug that just joined us from the attic...

Mike has a man-day planned, meaning I have a lot of time to fill until a Christmas soiree tonight at la casa de Kristin. There are Christmas presents to finish, farmer's markets to visit, and a house to clean in preparation for my sweet sister and parentals' visit.

Soda bottles filled with knick-knacks make excellent presents! And they're fun to receive in the mail. Not that I've ever received one... just making an assumption. 

Time to go be productive. Or maybe I'll have another cup of coffee...